The Weight Of The World

Me and Nils arrived in Lesvos today after a long night of travelling…

As you guys know, our little team has been working on the island for a few months now, Mark, Nel, Lilian and Sim, with Dan based here full time, but for me, this marks my first visit to this beautiful place.

I’ve been nervous, anxious to come. I’ve done a bit of a full 180 in my attitude and emotional state since I started this crazy refugee related journey. Back in the summer, when I first went to Calais, I felt strong, ready, resilient and intrigued. I was curious and questioning, I wanted to know, learn as much as I could about the situation, about people, their stories and journeys and pasts. But now, I don’t want to know. I’m scared to ask, like I want to bury my head under a blanket and go back to being blissfully unaware.

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I’ve realised I have an emotional limit, and I reached it. A threshold to the amount of pain and trauma I can expose myself to, and coming to Lesvos opens a whole new can of worms, another whole weight piling itself on my shoulders.

As much as I ever read in the news, watched in videos or heard about, I could never have understood how it feels to experience someone’s pain first hand. To sit, face to face with someone whose story will haunt you forever. There’s no way I can convey or explain how that feels.

So am I ready for this?

I’m not sure…

We will see how this week goes, what it has in store…but for the moment, in the amazing Pikpa Lesvos, we have been welcomed with sunshine and smiles all round…